Just 3 Wishes
25 DEC '14 seems like just yesterday - time flew; so much changed; some for better, some for worse but looking back, it was all worth the fight.
I am not one to write down my wishes on a piece of paper, neatly numbered - maybe, I have learned that nothing ever goes as planned, a plan A needs a plan B, a plan B needs a plan C and it just does not stop. For this, I prefer not to take the fun out of surprises and just adjust my sails to the winds of life.
Besides, my Christmas wishes were all intangible, so Santa could not immediately surprise me. Did I get it? Most of it.
Besides, my Christmas wishes were all intangible, so Santa could not immediately surprise me. Did I get it? Most of it.
1. Striving to be and give the best version of myself at all times
Now, if you know me, you will know I dance to the beat of my own drum, I am the girl who travels the less beaten path, the girl who expects the sun to shine brighter, love to be in its purest form, the truth to be just that and happiness, ecstasy. But somewhere, somehow, I almost lost my 'too much'.
In the past, it bothered me that I 'expected' so much from the world, people included - so much that I would apologise for being ME while trying so hard to blend in though it never quite worked.
I bit my tongue and spent too much time stuck in silence just in case I managed to utter something wrong that would change YOUR perspective of ME in a split second. That tiny voice that would always say: 'darling, you have got the words to make a difference, speak up and be heard', never really went away though I gave YOU so much power.
This year was different, a good different - the high walls tumbled down, the insecurities and need for approval faded; and there my friends is where I took my first taste of freedom in the longest time! This confident, content woman blossomed and only then can I say I got comfortable with my being 'too much'.
Friends gained, friends lost, I sleep well at night knowing I gave you the best of me. Achievements gained, failures endured, I rest assured knowing I gave it my best shot.
2. Taking a giant leap of faith
First ever proper rebellion: switching courses from medical bioscience to business management. That was an uncomfortable ordeal and from then on, I tried to avoid making such dramatic decisions.
Little did I know that that was just the beginning; as soon as I graduated, I jumped into the start up world and have not gone up for air since.
When you are in a room surrounded by smart, ambitious people, it is a double sword - you want so much to do better than yesterday, yet, you are always on your toes keeping up with your peers. You learn, you build, you grow - anything and everything becomes possible.
I never really was one to blow my own horn, I am terrible at accepting compliments, if I have done good, I get super embarrassed if the topic of the day revolves around that. At the same time, you want to be seen and heard. Actually, this was my constant battle: 'I don't want to draw attention to myself but I know I did good and I can do better - please silently notice me?'
I suppose that is why I went on when others were giving up - I needed some sort of acclamation that I am and can be good enough while still rebelling from the 'norm'. No, I do not suffer from self esteem issues, I am just a small girl with big dreams that scare me.
This year though, I got the sign I had been searching for.
Somehow, I was able to manage a team of which there was an occasional communication flop - together, we persevered, we conquered and we achieved.
I learned to say a hard 'no', the Fear Of Missing Out slowly left and before I knew it - it gets lonely but there is no greater reward than knowing you were only honest with your intentions.
The voice at the back of my head got louder and louder until I could not stand it anymore and with a heavy heart, I left my good job.
I yearn to make a difference, to leave a mark, to change a life or two. But from where I was standing, that was only a dream.
I believe life starts now, I can only hope I remember to slow down and breath, and I pray for a passion filled team to take the next journey with me.
3. My pillars of strength
I don't give my pillars of strength enough gratitude I believe, I am who I am because of them. Who you are defines where you go in life, the daily choices you make, how you see the world and my did they do a good job!
My mom for her strength, unending determination and good heart - I can only wish I had some of her great super power qualities. 'When the going gets tough, the tough keep going', 'there is no sweet without sweat' - I am sure, these are the first words she taught me.
My dad for his quite strength, the dreamer who goes out there and does stuff. For me, he never stopped believing that I could do and be anything I want and never let me forget it.
My not so little brother - I learnt how to selflessly take care of a tiny human being with him, I don't know how many times I baby sat but I still say he is the older one here. He knows me better than anyone in this world - the good, the bad, the ugly and he still gives me his unconditional love and support.
Love of my life - words cannot even begin to explain how he make me a better person. One day he walked in and life as I knew it changed for the better; now I think I am a unicorn!
My friends don't care how crazy my dreams are, they push me to just do it! Not only that, I can be a tad dramatic and they all still take it, now that's love.
So you see, all I wanted was to find myself, chase my dreams, love and be loved - and Santa did a good job! What are you grateful for this year? What does your heart wish for? Please don't be shy to share!
***WISHING YOU A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS***
